well fuck me....

both figuratively and literally(cause hey maybe it'll relieve some of this stress)...

So tonight my dad's yellin at me (not an unusual act), money this money that,insurance, etc.. of coarse as usual saying how i need to start pitching in, a month away from bankruptcy etc. i tell him by the end of the month all my finances will be worked out and then i can just fine... then of coarse the end of the month isn't soon enough, and we're actually a week away from bankruptcy apparently. blah blah, we're all fucked, blah. Then of coarse he mentions me cleaning the bumper stickers and the such off my car and selling it.. the car of which i don't even see, until the end of the month, wherein i need my finances straightened up just to get back. Now in some magical foresight on my behalf i'm glad today i setteled all the debts/money i owed to friends of mine and got that out of the way. cause there went one thing down atleast. And then today after i'm thinkin hey my next paycheck all my finances and bills are straightened up and payed for... and now all i got is my car payemnt, my phone which is apparently being signed away tomorrow wherein i gotta find my own plan, and then working towards paying some(a good some that is) at first then i hoped eventually all of my insurance. But apparently that's not good enough. As now it changes to i have to find my own insurance, which there is no way i'll be able to afford, and as my car is financed no insurance means no car. And of coarse he doesn't try to work anythind out a payment plan, or a set payment or fuckin' anything, just money money money.. only yelling, no working anythign out.

now let's all recap brian's current living situation +/-:
- brian's family is about to declare bankruptcy
- this means brian car disapears to the bank
- no car means no gettign around, and no easy way to work to get money to be able to afford, anything
- and then apparently then brian's grandparents in illinois are forced to declare bankruptcy.
- brian can't afford his own insurance
- let alone his insurance plus his car payment
- no insurance and he has no car
- Brian has already had no health insurance for a bit over a year now
- brian's parents can't afford to pay for him to go to school
- brian definetly can't afford to pay for himself to go to school
- brian may now literally never be able to go to college
- brian wants to kill his dad, but can't
- brian wants to kill himself, but never would (i'm too hardcore for that pussy shit)
- brian hates his living situation
- brian hates his life
- brian hates just about everyone and thing right about now.
- oh yes for the last bit of finality apparently, from what i've been hearing, all of this is finally and ultimately brian's fault
+ ha, there are no fucking pluses


fuck all this shit i'm goin outside to have a smoke.
b fuckin' d out



p.s. did i mention with all this goin on my sister is having her kid in just under a month actually, and ain't no way nobody in this family can afford it.